Find: hy - Replace: i

You get a chance to learn all kinds of skills if you stay in your job long enough. I've been a programmer for 10+ years now, so I hope I've developed some proficiency in a programming language you've never heard of. I should note that was not a foregone conclusion at the beginning; I was not really a programmer when I was hired, I was just a math teacher who had taken some programming courses.

Other lessons you pick up along the way. Since my job often seems to take me into subjects where I don't know what I'm doing, I have to ask for help a lot... so I have acquired some world-class groveling skills. I will flatter, cajole, and basically prostrate myself to get information out of someone.

I always assumed as a programmer I'd just sit in my cube and write code, but in my position I work on many kinds of projects, so I've also had to get pretty good with the ever-present Microsoft Office applications. The best part is that they share a lot of functionality, so once you know something you can use it anywhere. For example, Ctrl-H is the find & replace function: find any text in your document and replace it with the specified text. It turns out I need to use that here.

Almost exactly a year ago, I wrote a little piece called My hyPod in which I talked about why an iPod sounded cool, but was not in the cards for me. Then a few months ago, I mentioned what fun I was having recording all my old LPs to my PC. Well, add the two together (and include the fact that, since my wife was thinking about getting a motorcycle, a tiny little mp3 player seemed cheap)... plus the added incentive of a (minuscule) employee discount thanks to the Gigantically Enormous corporation I work for... it all adds up to a shiny new iPod. No problem: just find all the "hyPod"s and replace them with iPods!

When I thought about this last year, I had two major reservations. One was the time and expense to get the music content. But by the time I bought it, I had already recorded more than a dozen albums (and counting), so I already have well over 200 songs loaded up without surfing anywhere or paying a penny. And I have an amazing wealth of music left to go, even if I never connect to the internet again.

In particular, I must confess I have not yet made the move to download the songs I featured in my hypothetical playlist. I haven't given up on that yet, but I think I'll be focusing on acres of vinyl and miles of cassette tape, and probably also megabytes of CDs, long before I spend a whole lot of time on iTunes.

My other concern was that I didn't figure I had a lot of opportunity to walk around with earbuds, oblivious to the world (and by the way, who did they use as the model for earbuds, Andre the Giant? Apparently they take seriously the admonition to never put anything into your ear that's smaller than your elbow. Or Andre the Giant's elbow. Honestly, it feels like I'm trying to get a golf ball in there).

It turns out there's a multitude of opportunities -- although I usually use more conventional over-the-ear headphones, and I often leave one ear uncovered as a show of good faith. I'm not really ignoring you, of course. I have plenty of time at work to listen, but the best part is during my various chores. Laundry, in particular, is virtually revolutionized; it's really boring to sit in the upstairs bathroom (where the machines and the hamper are located) and sort, sort, sort. Reading tiny tags -- tag manufacturers are another group in cahoots with optometrists. I've tried bringing along some good reading material, but for some odd reason that seems to slow the process down. However, if I crank a bit of Styx, or Petra, the time seems to fly by. Dishes, cooking -- almost none of my mundane daily activities aren't improved by having some handy tunes. And while it's great to have a CD player in the car, I can't carry all my CDs with me all the time (nor am I in the car that much, as a dedicated non-commuter). This way I have lots of goodies at my fingertips. Literally; it doesn't even take up my whole hand!

I did feel a bit silly as a 46-year-old man checking out the product in person in the Apple Store, but fortunately there was a very nice young lady with magenta hair and a nostril ring who was able to answer my questions (and explain how this clickwheel thingy works, exactly) and contain her snickers until I left the premises.

I don't suppose I've exactly caught up -- I don't even have a BlackBerry, or anything Bluetooth-enabled -- but I feel like I've almost made it into the 21st century... not to mention a lot closer to having the chip implanted directly into my brain. Or maybe that's just the earbuds.