Metablog: The View from the 40s

A new quarter has been heard from in the ongoing debate about what constitutes middle age (and whether present company is excepted), as I discussed previously.

I had been noticing over the last 6 months or so an increasing difficulty seeing close up. I found myself, in fact, peering over the top of my glasses whenever I had to work with something tiny. I was concerned enough to violate my usual protocol and make a doctor’s appointment.

When the ophthalmologist came in to begin his very thorough exam, I described my symptoms to him, and he sort of snorted before retorting, “You’re describing what happens to everyone in middle age.” Later in the exam he explained he would try to avoid over-correcting my vision, since younger eyes can adjust for that… but “you older fellows will definitely feel it.” Evidently ophthalmologists have little experience in developing bedside manner.

So I’m now adjusting to a brand-new pair of “progressive lenses”, the modern-day version of bifocals. Actually I think I’ve done well adapting to the lenses; it may take longer to adjust to the idea of being a guy who needs progressive lenses. Not to worry, however; the optician, who is clearly in league with the doctor, tells me that the shape of my new frames makes me look “younger”. So there’s a bit of a paradigm shift as well – I used to seek to look older, more mature…

Anyway, it wasn’t really my 40s I set out to discuss (although it seems to be preoccupying me more than I have perhaps admitted even to myself!). I noticed on my blog maintenance home page recently that I am now in the 40s for number of posted articles. And while it won’t be until later in the month that I reach my 40th week, I sensed an opportunity for a look back.

I read a statistic recently -- in my favorite airline magazine -- that 55% of all blogs are abandoned before they hit 3 months. If nothing else, it’s wonderful to know that at least in one respect, this blog is above average – well, median, at least.

Like the new lenses, having a blog has changed the way I look at life. It’s arguable whether it’s a better way now, but I find myself in some ways more engaged with what’s going on around me, trying to determine what makes today unique (or sometimes, archetypical) or interesting or funny. Maybe I’m in some ways less engaged too, because I’m sometimes walking around writing in my head. I didn’t start this to make myself a better person, but I don’t want it to make me a lesser person either!

I did do it for my own satisfaction, and for the chance to put down my thoughts in a place that was all my own. Along with 8 zillion other bloggers. And I’ve found even more pleasure in the act of creating and writing than I thought I could. I tend to re-read my stuff pretty frequently, and I’m still proud of what I’ve written and enjoy reading it, with a few notable exceptions. When I get into trouble is usually when I have one thing to say, usually a joke, and I try to create a 500- or 600-word frame to put it in. Some of them are meant to be serious and come out kind of pseudo-serious; others are meant to be funny and come out… well, pseudo-funny is no funny at all.

As I have alluded to previously, it astounds me how often a conversation reminds me of something I just wrote. Unfortunately it’s usually my conversational partners who are astounded in turn as I try in vain to find a subtle way to slip in the fact that I have a blog: “You should read what I just wrote about that.” So far the rate of responses inquiring about my blog and its URL is running at approximately 0.00%, so that’s one conversational gambit I’m trying to abandon.

In addition to my own amusement and satisfaction, I do sometimes get a tiny bit of external validation. I don’t think I get too many “random” visitors, but a few of my friends & family have acknowledged stopping by now and then. Just knowing others are reading is gratifying, but I actually have one pretty regular correspondent who says nice things often enough to keep me on the hook. I wonder if she’s familiar with the concept of variable reinforcement?

I was talking to another friend recently who had just read some of my stuff, and she gave me the one compliment I treasure above all others... although it’s still not 100% clear to me that she meant it as a compliment! She said, “When I read it, all I could think is that it sounds just like you.” And that’s exactly what a blog should be, or at least what my blog should be. So if you read two or three and you don’t like them, don’t waste your time by coming back: it’s not the entry you don’t like, it’s me.