A&E – Sine Qua Noel

I am a creature of habit, a man of routine, a devotee of structure and rules. As such, the way commercial culture treats holidays – particularly Christmas – makes me very unsettled.

I really can’t see why the “Christmas season” has to start in October, or whenever it is when the sales and advertisements and all that commence. For me, one of the most exciting days of the year is the day after Thanksgiving. Not because it’s Black Friday, the start of the Christmas Shopping Playoffs. The day after Thanksgiving is the day I begin listening to Christmas music.

It’s kind of exciting in a way – it’s the one time of the year you hear a preponderance of music that talks about Jesus across the radio dial. I have a pretty good collection of Christian Christmas music, both the traditional carols and contemporary tunes. If I had to pick one album to recommend, it would be “The Music of Christmas” by Steven Curtis Chapman.

One musical topic that fascinates me is trying to list the essential Christmas songs and artists. I’ve been working on the list for years. I kind of take the carols for granted -- my real interest is in the “secular” Christmas favorites.

For example, clearly the state of the art is “The Christmas Song” – but only the Nat “King” Cole version. In this contest the artist is as important as the song; they come as an entry. Do you suppose Mel Torme’ gave it that title because he knew it would be the definitive one?

The following are some of the other titles and artists – in no particular order – that help define the Christmas season for me:

• White Christmas, Bing Crosby – for many years the best-selling single of all time. A song unbelievably well-suited to that mellow crooner style.
• Santa Claus is Coming to Town, Bruce Springsteen – this is the 30th anniversary of the famous live recording, but not released as a single till 10 years later. Probably the Christmas song that most sounds like the band is enjoying it.
• Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Gene Autry – there are other famous versions but something about the ol’ Singing Cowboy just fits.
• Sleigh Ride, Cincinnati Pops – the only instrumental version on my list. I don’t mind the vocal versions, but the Pops version just has a really Christmasy feeling to me.
• Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth, Bing Crosby & David Bowie – I haven’t Googled this, but my educated guess is that this song from Bing’s last Christmas special was the only time that the words “Bing Crosby” and “David Bowie” were used in the same sentence. If you remember anything about Bowie’s career at that time, it’s hard to imagine they were on the same planet, much less in the same room – and singing together besides.
• Most Wonderful Time of the Year, Andy Williams – Return with me once more to the bygone days of variety shows, and their corresponding Christmas specials. Can’t you just see Andy surrounded by a bunch of fresh-faced youngsters in bulky sweaters, as the phony snow gently drifts to the pretend earth? Whatever happened to those days?
• Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree, Brenda Lee / Jingle Bell Rock, Bobby Helms – I think of these two as a joint entry. In fact, I suspect if you play one of them backwards, you get the other one. Really, I can take or leave them, but I’m including them to show I’m hip enough to include some of that new-fangled rock ‘n’ roll music.
• Happy Xmas / War is Over, John Lennon – I didn’t realize till today that the single also credits the infamous Plastic Ono Band. As far as I can tell, Yoko herself is not in evidence, which I take to be evidence that John wasn’t quite as much of a curmudgeon as he’s being made out to be.
• Wonderful Christmastime, Paul McCartney – A fairly neat illustration of all those John vs. Paul comparisons that are not necessarily complimentary to the surviving one.
• Merry Christmas Darling, Carpenters – Did you know Karen Carpenter wasn’t considered much of a singer when she started her career? It was never hip, but I just love their sound. It’s a lot like taking a bath in warm caramel… or so I’m told, at least.
• Please Come Home for Christmas, Eagles – this must be the section for the unhappy songs. In fairness, Don Henley’s one of those guys who can sing the phone book and make it sound great. Look for his CD of the Anaheim Yellow Pages.
• Blue Christmas, Elvis Presley – I have to admit, I’m probably not the biggest fan around. And it’s not honestly that well-sung, I don’t think (can you listen to that opening line without snickering?). Still, hard to imagine the Christmas season without it.
• Do They Know It’s Christmas, Band Aid – this is the song that originated the trend of celebrities donating your money to charity. Ever notice that? They donate their “valuable time and talents”, but we’re the ones footing the bill.
• Last Christmas, Wham! – I’m pretty sure there’s a joke here somewhere, but I’m not sure it’s worth it.
• Christmas Wrapping, The Waitresses – the most underrated song on this list and the one you are least likely to hear pouring forth from your car radio. But infectiously likable nonetheless. Rap for us middle-aged suburban white guys who have no ambition to “bust a cap” on anyone.
  

I left out a couple of well-known ones, on purpose. In particular, there’s one with “Grandma” in the title, which I shall not name aloud but which should be eliminated from the earth forever. The Beach Boys have a couple of famous ones that are pretty lightweight in my estimation. And I don’t think a few other songs like “Frosty” really have a definitive version, unless perhaps you collect Jimmy Durante albums.

After all, isn’t this the reason behind a blog? I get to spout my opinions, and no one can stop me.