On the Job

We had a kids' birthday party at our house last week, and the conversation turned -- as it so often does on such occasions -- to the question of each guest's favorite animal. One boy replied "tiger", and I had the pleasure of showing him a picture of me, standing next to a tiger.

That photo's a souvenir of my time (6 summers, if you can imagine) working at a nearby amusement park -- sadly now defunct, and there's not even much of it left on the Internet to link to. At the park I filled a variety of roles, from cleaning toilets to singing & acting in shows; it gave me a huge boost in the "weird jobs held" competition. It was in the highly coveted role of singing waiter that I encountered the worst boss I ever had.

He was the manager of the Opera House, the theater/snack bar where I waited tables for $2/hr plus all the tips an average check of less that $5 can generate. Actually he was officially designated the head waiter, but he had the power of scheduling, and he used it with particular vigor against me. I had been there awhile before he showed up, and I made no bones about the fact I didn't think he knew what he was doing (back in those days, I was a bit outspoken...).

More than anything else, he committed what I consider the unpardonable sin for a manager: power was his primary goal and motivation. I'm fortunate that almost none of my subsequent bosses since has behaved that way (especially my present manager, if you're reading this as I know you occasionally do. Love ya! :-). I've found that most bosses I've encountered have been about enabling me to do a better job, and often they take more responsibility than power.

I'm thinking about all this because of something I heard on the radio recently. The speaker was talking about the husband as "Head of the Home"... a concept that I've heard about, and wrestled with, since I was a kid.

When I got married I was very clear that I didn't want to be in charge -- you may have heard the expression that no committee of two elects a chairman, and I've never had any ambition to manage anything (well, OK, maybe the Mets). I figured that any decisions needed could be made together.

All that is still 100% true, but I'm starting to see things from a different angle. I'm realizing that being "head" doesn't mean giving orders or being in control; it's not about power. It's about taking responsibility... being the one to "stand out front" or "take point". It has a lot more to do with sacrifice than with authority.

So once more I find myself at one of those difficult junctures: trying to determine whether status quo is adequate, or whether I need to make a change... and if so, how does that play out in real life?

I had quite an honor some weeks back when my wife asked if she could read my blog. Some she really enjoyed, some were just OK -- but she called me on this one. She wanted to know why I spent the whole time setting up the problem, but didn't really resolve it. Part of it was probably cowardice, but also: these are not exactly true/false questions!

Believe me, I wish I had a nice neat punchline both for the piece and for my life. As you may know, not only is truth stranger than fiction, it's also more complicated.