What Happens in Vegas...

… ends up getting posted on the Internet. I always figured people who visited Las Vegas were either the smooth high-roller type, or the plaid-shorts/black-socks tourist variety. I was always certain, in any case, that people who visited Las Vegas were people who were not me.

But here I am, attending a team meeting in perhaps the least businesslike city in America – well, I guess New Orleans has a lot of the same vibe, plus half the city got washed away, so they may win the title. I still don’t think I fit either of my theoretical demographics. I do have to admit that when I got here I was wearing my favorite bright blue pants – my wife calls them golf pants. But hey, they’re cool & comfortable, and they weigh about 4 ounces, so I think they’re great for traveling.

OK, I happen to love the color too.

It’s definitely a different world out here. For one thing, it’s been 90 degrees plus, the whole time (OK, it goes down to 75 at night). For a second, smoking is apparently compulsory. Coming from an environment where smoking is only permitted on alternate sides of the street from 9 pm to midnight, it’s a little startling to have to fight your way through a blue haze in the lobby.

Now that I think of it, hotels around here don’t really have “lobbies”, just casinos with a reception desk. So I suppose the biggest adjustment is walking past row after row of slot machines, with row after row of middle-aged women feeding coins and pulling the handle. Actually, relatively few of the machines still have the traditional handle; most of them are push-button.

Quick hotel quiz -- match the following (each "letter" may be used more than once):

1.Body bar	a. Ginger orange
2. Conditioner	b. Grapefruit & pomegranate
3.Facial bar	c. Lemongrass sage
4.Shampoo
5.Body lotion

The good news is that I get my minimum daily requirement of fruits and vegetables by means of a conscientiously-applied regimen of personal grooming. The bad news is that every time I leave my room I'm attacked by monkeys. (Quiz answers: 1b, 2a, 3c, 4a, 5b)

I certainly don’t have the time (or, frankly, the inclination) to get too used to it out here; I’ll be home before I know it. Unless you count another day of meetings and six hours on a plane, that is. I am doing my best, however, to squeeze a little adventure out of my trip. That can be a bit of a challenge in a city that bases its identity on self-destructive behavior, but if worse comes to worst, I can fall back on two things dear to my heart: leaving the work to the chambermaid, and expense-account meals.

I have proven once and for all what everyone has always suspected – I would travel 2500 miles for free food.