Blog of Shadows

There’s been a lot of talk lately in the sports world and even beyond about the new book, Game of Shadows, which is an expose of steroid use by athletes. If you read any of the early news articles, you would be forgiven for believing the whole book is about Barry Bonds. He’s actually only the most prominent figure to have his drug use detailed; there are a number of others from a variety of sports.

Anyway, seeing the furor over the book made me realize that it’s only a matter of time till my own secrets are revealed, so my best course of action is to confess on my own terms: I am also using steroids.

I have actually gotten two or perhaps three compliments on my blog, but I’m afraid those compliments are going to have to be voided – or at least asterisked – because I have been writing under the influence (WUI).

It started innocently enough; I complained to my doctor about a skin condition under my eye and he gave me some Hydrocortisone Valerate. If you are not chemically-minded, note that the “-one” ending is a dead giveaway that a chemical is considered a steroid. I promise I was only using it occasionally, but I’m sure that stopping that pesky itch made it easier for me to concentrate on my writing. For that matter, I can’t say for sure that the residue on my index finger didn’t increase my typing speed and accuracy.

I was almost clean from that when I suffered some inflammation in my ear and the doctor gave me Prednisone (again, note the –one). This is a no-fooling-around steroid … and I have to admit I just gulped down a handful before beginning to write.

To be honest, I read other bloggers and I wonder if maybe they’re getting a little “help”. Their jokes seem to go farther than even my best efforts, and it appears they’re able to recover quicker – some of them post every day. Hey, if everybody else is doing it, maybe it’s the only way to be competitive.

I don’t think I can go on living a lie, though. I have to stay on the stuff for 10 more days – as Barry could tell you (but will not), steroids are prescribed in a "course" and you have to taper off. But after that, I’m off the junk for good. In the future, this blog will be 100% natural -- no additives, no preservatives, no artificial colors or flavors -- chock-full of that natural bloggy goodness.

Quantum Leap

I’ve had kind of a running gag going with my wife where she asks me if I’m middle-aged yet. I’m 43, but I really don’t feel whatever middle-aged is supposed to feel like. I always answered no, till finally she asked me in exasperation, “How old do you think you’re going to get?”

As of now, I guess I’m shooting for at least 87.

She might be relieved to learn that I’ve apparently reached an advanced age in at least one respect; in fact, I might have skipped the middle & headed straight for the rocking chair.

Since I’ve been blogging, I’m always searching for topics, and one thing that’s struck me repeatedly is how much the world has changed just in my lifetime. So I think I’m well set up to be one of those geezers who starts every paragraph with, “Now, in my day….”

Oops, sorry, I had to go put my teeth in. Back now. So I make like Sam Beckett from the late, lamented Quantum Leap and time-travel within my own lifetime....

The easy signposts for this kind of thing relate to technology. When I was a kid, we got 3 TV channels. I guess public TV (it was called “educational” TV then) was around, but you had to tune that in with a whole different dial called the UHF tuner. And TVs had actual knobs, of course. Ours even had doors on the front. And I still vividly remember when we got a color TV. It also had a radio tuner and a “record player” (oh, what the heck, “hi-fi”), and it took up about the same amount of room, and weighed about the same, as your average compact car today.

By the way, when I was thinking about all of this, I really freaked out when I realized that my dad was born about the same time as commercial broadcasting… radio broadcasting. His father before him predated the Victrola.

“Compact car” was pretty much an oxymoron when I was a child, come to think of it. We had a succession of station wagons, including one with the legendary wood-like paneling, and the letters MPG were not prominently featured. Of course, with gas about 30 cents a gallon, who cared anyway? Gas stations were known as “service stations” then, because they gave you service – and sometimes a prize just for showing up. For many years, I kept the NFL team glasses we collected from our local Sunoco.

I think we all get the thing about the meteoric rise of the computer age – but I can’t help but think we’re getting a bit jaded about it. It’s worth (I hope) reminding ourselves that when I was born, “computer” was always followed by “room” because you needed the latter to contain the former. I have written elsewhere about getting my hands on a TRS-80 in the early ‘80s… with cassette data storage. And now I’m publishing this from a laptop (on my actual lap) via a wireless connection to the World Wide Web.

Actually, my favorite Stupid Technology Trick relates to the Texas Instruments SR-10 calculator, basically the original handheld calculator. Not too long after it hit the market, my parents had occasion to buy one for my sister. If you click on the link, you’ll find the SR-10 performed the basic 4 arithmetic operations, and square/square root, invert, and scientific notation. My parents bought it second-hand and paid Ninety-Five Dollars.

Oh, and by the way… when I was born, an entire race of people was still being widely oppressed not only by custom and social stigma, but by actual laws in many places. When I watch a show like "Eyes on the Prize", although I consider myself well educated and not altogether naïve, I shake my head the whole time. It’s hard to imagine that such a world existed in my lifetime. I understand fully that conditions between the races have not reached a state of perfection, but you can’t watch a group of children buffeted by a fire hose without appreciating the difference between then and now.

A&E: Shorter-Term Memories

Yes, I really can write a 2-part piece on a bunch of shows that aren't even on any more. I actually published it in one piece originally, but then when I saw it kind of took up an entire page, I decided to break it up. So continuing chronologically, I've made it all the way to the Reagan Administration so far.

I always think of Hill Street as kind of an entry with St.Elsewhere. Also groundbreaking in its own small way; also a deft synthesis of drama and comedy. The show featured talent like Denzel Washington and Helen Hunt, passing through on their way to better things, and Howie Mandel & Ed Begley Jr., just passing through. Consider the greatness of a show that made Howie look talented. One of the reasons I loved it was their use of inside jokes and little winks to the audience….

…. Which was also a characteristic of another show I miss, Moonlighting. When they were at their peak in the first couple of years, I used to watch the clock all evening long to make sure I didn’t miss it. Later in the run, they were just looking peaked and I watched the clock to see if it was almost over yet. A great combination of smart and smart-alecky; maybe the fastest-moving show ever – don’t try to watch while writing a letter or picking up around the house.

I think many of the shows you fall in love with turn out to be like old girlfriends you’re still friendly with. At least I hear that happens; I’m married, so that would NEVER NEVER be something I would do. I do think I’ve broken up with ER, even though we still see each other regularly. When it started, it was a real shot of adrenaline, administered stat; I think it’s more like a pressure bandage or an IV drip of lactated Ringer’s now. Since basically all the actors worth watching have moved on (with one exception: Maura Tierney is awesome, light-years above her NewsRadio days), it seems almost like inertia (and NBC’s abject desperation) is all that keeps it going. There’s probably a life-support metaphor in there, which will be your homework assignment.

I seem to have a weakness for fast-talking shows: consider The West Wing. Also perhaps in the ER category (upon reflection, more than “perhaps”). It was – and I hate to say “was” but I think it’s the case – the rare show that could hook you dramatically and also make you think about larger issues. Such as, can a guy really get elected by telling the truth? I’m leaning towards “not”, but Martin Sheen made it seem almost plausible.

I missed one in there chronologically, I think. Actually everyone missed it; if they hadn’t, I’d still be watching it instead of missing it. That would be Sports Night, which I think the Trio Network’s Brilliant But Canceled show was invented for. I was biased toward it to begin with, since it’s about a SportsCenter-type show. Actually, it isn’t “about” that at all, and if more people (especially female people, I suspect) had realized that, its fate might have been different. There’s a vast difference between being set in a particular environment and being about that. Was Cheers “about” a bar? Was Barney Miller “about” a police station? Well, sorta.

I’m struck by how much of their DNA these shows seem to share – I’ll leave Adam-12 out of the discussion, since the 8-year-old me perhaps wasn’t quite as discriminating. Two of them were even created by the same person (Aaron Sorkin: Sports Night and West Wing). I suspect there would be many more creative names in common if I dug a little. I think it’s worth noting that every one of these shows is smart and funny and assumes the audience is smart enough to keep up. A network executive would no doubt counter that several of them weren’t wildly successful either. There are plenty of dumb shows I enjoy, but I can only give my heart to the ones that challenge me a little.

Check back again in 20 years to see if I'm typing homages to According to Jim or Fear Factor....

A&E: Thanks for the Memories

Please excuse me if I SHOUT WHEN I TYPE tonight. One of my ears is plugged up and I can't hear myself expostulate. The doc says that till I'm better I have to lay off the antihistamine. I'm a little worried; not only is it the only thing that keeps me from coughing all the time, but I don't want anyone to start thinking I'm pro-histamine. Take it from me, kids: just say no.

I do have friends, although you wouldn't guess it from a joke like that. Life being what it is, however, let’s face it: most of us spend way more time watching TV than we do with our friends. So it shouldn’t be a complete shock that some of us, at least, form attachments to TV shows. Here are some of the shows I wish hadn’t moved away:

The first show I remember looking forward to was Adam-12. What I remember was rushing through my bath to get downstairs in time for the beginning. I don’t know if I understand the appeal, then or now (of the show, that is. I’ve gotten over the appeal of rushing through my bath). On the other hand, when you think about it, there isn’t a lot of space between Adam-12 – which is in itself a direct descendant of Dragnet, the first great TV cop show – and Law & Order. And I think there’s a decent chance that this Law & Order thing might well catch on.

In the ‘70s, the show I waited for was the Rockford Files. Of course, since it aired on Friday nights, it could’ve put a real dent in my social life. I was fortunate, however, not to have a social life, so I was free & clear to hang with Jim, Rocky and the gang. James Garner is just one of those guys you can watch doing anything. He’s able to be the “hero” while at the same time being just a little bit cowardly & self-absorbed.

I owe an enormous debt to the show Soap. Not because it was a classic, although I did enjoy it. When Soap debuted, there was an enormous amount of controversy over the subject matter. Several ABC affiliates chose not to carry it, or ran it in late night… among them our local station. In its place, our friends at WAST ran a half-hour syndicated show called Second City TV. They got better-known when they did the late-night series on NBC, but the original show was even funnier (and ironically, in a lot of ways more subversive than Soap). Rick Moranis was great in the network version, but the show lost something when Harold Ramis left from the original cast to be a successful director. And don’t even get me started with Robin Duke and Tony Rosato.

The best show ever in my opinion was Hill Street Blues. It’s kind of hard to remember at this point just how groundbreaking it was for its time. The handheld cameras, the overlapping dialogue, the mixture of comedy and drama…. I loved everything about it from day one. I even made sure to watch it when I was in college – in those days, there was a TV in the lounge on our floor; nobody had their own. I would round up my friend Rob and stake out the lounge a little before 10 every Thursday night. Going to school in Western NY, I had a few Thursday nights wrecked by pre-emptions by Buffalo Sabres hockey games (another measure of my always-tenuous social life).

It appears that my memories runneth over, so I guess I'll make this post a Very Special Two-Part Episode. Will Our Hero survive to watch TV in the 21st Century? Tune in again, same Bat-Blog....

Theology for Dummies

I read an article recently on the vast “For Dummies” publishing empire. The publishers basically asserted that they had a book out for anything you could do or even think about, and if you don’t see it on your bookstore’s shelf today, come back next week.

I just checked and it turns out that while there is a “Religion for Dummies”, there’s no “Theology for Dummies”. These books, of course, are billed as the reference for the rest of us; but that’s my point in choosing this title.

I mentioned in my first blog entry that I would be writing about God at times, and I start today with one of my core beliefs: we are all theologians. We are all of us engaged in “the study of the nature of God”.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying we’re all equally good theologians. I would be the last person to endorse the theory that all pathways to God are valid, or that truth is subjective. Quite the opposite; I figure if you disagree with me, that’s a pretty good indication that you’re wrong :-).

But everything we do, whether consciously or unconsciously, reflects what we think about God: whether He exists, whether He involves Himself in the world. Even atheists, agnostics, and all the other flavors are theologians. We hope that those who are a part of the church think more deeply and more accurately about God, of course. You have to hope that listening to Scripture read and explained weekly, singing the hymns that at their best are tiny theology texts, and being around other believers produces better-quality insights.

And that brings me to another of my core beliefs: that’s what the church is for. We all know someone who says, “I don’t need to go to church, I can worship God right where I am” – which is true as far as it goes, although I believe in most cases you’d be hard pressed to see that philosophy enacted.

One of the major reasons we have church, however, is that as humans we can only see a limited “amount” of God. If I could see it all, I’d actually be God (and for that not being the case, we are both grateful). But if we all get together, I can show you the piece I see, and maybe someone else will show me a piece I’ve never seen, and when we put all the pieces together, we get a more complete portrait.

I saw this in a new way this fall when our family went on a cruise. We did a couple of shore days and I found it frustrating that I couldn’t take a real picture of the ship. It’s just too huge to fit the whole thing in the viewfinder. I guess what I needed was a whole “congregation” of people taking pictures and sharing them with me…..

Two More Blocks, One More Board

I mentioned in Part I that I'm a sucker for books with a decade in the title. You know, like The Forties: There Was This Big War, or The '60s -- Everyone Was Stoned All the Time. I like to read about what the time was like. It's fascinating to think about how life has changed; I'll be writing about that some time soon. One of the best of the breed of book is William Manchester's The Glory and the Dream, which actually covers FOUR decades, 1932-1972.

Probably the best baseball books I’ve read are Bill James’ series of Baseball Abstracts from the 1980’s. Bill James was a pioneer in using baseball statistics to understand how baseball works, and like the vast majority of my favorites has more than a bit of ... well, smart-aleck in him. I would be hard-pressed to recommend them at this point unless you have an appreciation for Enos Cabell jokes, but at the time they were a hand grenade rolled into the center of the traditional “Joe Blow gives 110% and loves kids” school of baseball “journalism”.

This last one isn’t actually a book, but I wanted to point it out just to illustrate, perhaps once and for all, just how frustrating it can be to be me. Roger Angell wrote baseball columns for many years for the New Yorker. He has published several collections of those pieces, which are worth reading for anyone who enjoys graceful writing and has an appreciation for baseball from the ‘60s on.

He also has a book called A Day in the Life of Roger Angell, which collects a number of his non-baseball pieces, and one extreme oddity: it’s a summary of the 1961 World Series… written in the style of Greek tragedy. It’s very funny, but almost infuriating, because I’ve never found anyone to share it with. If you make a circle for all the people who follow baseball closely, a circle for all those who remember 1961, and a circle for those familiar with the structures of Greek tragedy, I have to think the intersection of those three circles is virtually microscopic (Note: I don’t “remember” 1961 in the literal sense, but I can tell you without looking it up who played in the Series – and most of the Series in history – and how it ended).

Standing in that intersection doesn’t make me a genius, or superior, but it does make me a minority verging on a mutant. I feel a little like the guy trying to tell jokes in Latin or Sanskrit or something. Say, what about that wacky Warren G. Harding, huh?